By Jordan Lau Tin Weng 

Well hello there. I see you have stumbled upon this part of the magazine. Well, since you’re already here, you might as well spend the next 5 minutes of your time reading on. I know you don’t have anything better to do now; unless you’re trying to find your picture or article, but besides that, I know you have nothing better to do now. Anyways, time to stop procrastinating and start on the content of this article. Article? Should I be calling it an article? Or is this considered a dialogue? I could ask Mr Yow now, but… It’s ok, I’ll just do it later. Now, let’s get finally started on the paper.  

It all began in a galaxy at a desk far far away, from the deadline… I bet you played the opening Star Wars theme song when you read that. No? Just me? Ok… Never mind then. So, as mentioned, I was sitting at my desk and it was the 17^th of February at around 12:45PM. We had just finished the meeting that was about the very articles you see in this magazine today. Long story short, we had been given a deadline on when to submit our stories or articles. The deadline was on the 2^nd of March; and guess what day it is today. That’s right, it’s the 19^th of February because I hate to procrastinate! NO, I’m kidding, it’s the 2^nd day of March today as I’m writing this. Whether or not I intentionally did the article this late for the sake of the content, that’s for you to find out on your own. Anyways, yes, I am really doing this on the 2^nd of March and the time right now is almost 1:30PM. At around 11PM just now, I just got a message from Mr Yow, (who is in charge of these articles) saying that the “preferred” time to submit the work is 5PM today. So, I guess I have another three and a half hours to finish up the paper. I may be an extreme procrastinator, but I am not an impractical procrastinator that keeps people waiting for due content. Although, procrastinating is already being impractical. Never mind that. Anyways, the requirement of the paper is basically content for one and a half pages’ worth on an A4 paper. So, as you can see, I’m about one-third along the way already. Not bad considering started this at 1PM. Working so near to the deadline really works wonders. I bet you other procrastinators can relate as well. Which reminds me, I forgot to save this document. That would have been bad if something happened. Alright, saved; and you know what, come to think about it, I can actually use this time as a break, it looks like I have more than enough time. Right, now the time is 1:40PM. Let’s see when I’ll get back to writing. 

Well, that took longer than expected. But since when do breaks last as long as you plan them. Anyways, the time now is 2:30PM, and It’s time to continue on. Oh wow, I don’t know if you can see it in the magazine, but I am about to finish the 1^st page of the paper! Ok ok, back to the content. Ok, maybe I can write about something that might benefit you, since you have already dedicated so much time in reading this. Hmmm…. How does, “Steps on How not to Procrastinate!” sound? No no, I think I’m the least qualified person to do this, clearly. Hmmm… What about “How to Procrastinate and get away with it!”? No no no… I don’t even think Mr Yow will let me put that up. Hmmm…. How about “How to spot a Procrastinator”? Yes! That sounds good. Ok, here we go. Are you ready? Let’s do this! Next paragraph!! 

So now, I’m going to enlighten you on how to spot a procrastinator! This is an extremely easy process; it’s so easy, that it only has one step! Identify the phrase! So, all you have to do, is memorize these 3 phrases: “I’ll do it later”, “I got time” and “I’ll do it tomorrow lah!”; and if you hear those words coming out of your head, RUN! Run away from those thoughts. How to do it practically? Well, I’m not sure. You have Google on your phone, you can search it up later. But you probably won’t, so… yea. 

Is that enough content? Yep, I think It’s good enough. I’ve almost reached the one-and-a-half-page mark, and I have just enough space for a final closing paragraph. So here we are, 2 hours away from the deadline, with ample time to spare. It really has been a fun 2 hours of writing. However, in all seriousness, please do not attempt the stunt I have just pulled off in any of your assignments or work. Only professional procrastinators can do this kind of thing. That’s a joke! Please don’t do it AT ALL, even if you’re a master procrastinator. This stunt was for the sole purpose of your entertainment, and no credits were risked in the making of this paper; and, if you haven’t noticed already, you have just spent 7 minutes of your life reading the mind of a procrastinator in action. So, with that said, I hope you have enjoyed your time together with me in the Art of Procrastination.